writing and desire

a few years back a friend said he could no longer work on publishing projects with me because he felt that my description of the ongoing malaise in the canadian book retail situation was "just too much marxist rhetoric" and he just didn't want to hear about it anymore else it would ruin his ability to write and his desire to continue getting books published. some discussions simply need to stop before they destroy all the other hopes and desires, reasons for trying to do something.

in this case the something is trying to get me somewhere. sure, i could simply buy a ticket with a credit card. i would then have to pay them for the purchase plus interest out of monies that i would still have to somehow earn or acquire (through poetry book sales, reading honoraria, etc.). i cannot even get a bank loan, or trick a bank into extending me a line of credit, or get a house mortgage because i am a poet, a self-employed artist, with low, unstable income and no real job. there are people on income assistance that can get loans and mortgages because their welfare is considered a regular, stable source of income. it is a fluke that i even have a credit card. financially, i'm worthless.

the reason for working to create an author promotion tour for me is to try and get someone else to help contribute monies toward the airfare, even if that "someone" is a government that i must pay multiple taxes to on almost everything i do and buy to live and create my own work here in canada. those tax obligations wouldn't cease by physically leaving canada unless i were to give up my citizenship or life (and i am not after doing those).

wealthy and poor are relative concepts. i most definitely am not a wealthy canadian. not even close. not even close to a middle class income. if i had the income people assume i must have to live and to travel (as if work travel is automatically vacation and luxury) as they assume i receive for the responsibilities of being a publisher i'd be paying tens of thousands of dollars in income tax every year to the governments of new brunswick and canada.

most people here assume that someone else owns the publishing house and that they foolishly hired me to be editor or publisher. i wish! i wish i was getting a, by canadian standards, fair wage or salary for the work. i would wish that they could also hire other people to share the workload. but that's not my reality.

T-shirt: light gray with breast pocket
loc: misComCtr
temp: -4
sound: Funkin' Do Me, "Fucked Up"